Alamo Porno

It's good to be home.

I'd like to share a little about the trip for those of you who may be contemplating a trip to Texas in the near future...specifically in the San Antonio area. First off, its true. Everything's bigger--gas prices, trucks, tires, jackpots, crackpipes, funeral homes--you name it!
Arriving in San Antonio, we made it to the car rental desk. The clerk asked where we were staying, I tell her the name of the street and she gives me a funny, sort of "Oh my God--you're staying there?" look. I'm getting a little nervous. She assures me that the hotel is fine, its just a bad side of town and she reminds me to lock the car at all times and always take my belongings with me. Okay. Welcome to Texas. Fast forward about thirty minutes, we find our way to the hotel--room is nice and clean, looks good to me; however, the clerk was right about that side of town. I'm sure that there are parts of Texas that are beautiful, I mean, Southfork was pretty cool. Okay, okay, sorry. Anyway, we did drive to Laredo and saw the Mexican border and the infamous Rio Grande...amazing. When driving back to San Antonio we passed through a border patrol station. I saw our federal government working hard to prevent any illegal immigrants or illegal substances from crossing into our country. As we stopped, a nice tan, young man asked us if we were U.S. citizens, I guess my blonde hair gave it away as we nodded our heads and he sent us on our way. No problems, no searched vehicles...nothing. I had hoped he would've at least asked us to step out of the car...I could've gotten a picture with the drug sniffing dogs. Oh well...on the road again. I found myself scratching for some old Espanol every now and again...all I could come up with was, "Umm....un tea con leche?!"
The bypass was the only escape from the slums of the ghetto...but all the sketchy side streets that Heith chose to navigate after dark (Hail Mary in FULL effect) led to downtown. Downtown we toured the Alamo, took in a little SA sights, and asked some of the locals for the best eats. If you're looking for great, authentic Mexican, try Casa Rio...if you're looking for a good steak where ALL the locals go then you're heading for The Little Red Barn. Highly recommended.
The rodeo was well worth the trip and the money--they put a lot of effort and time into this production. The entire city is involved, making it a very big Texas "to-do". After enjoying the show and the concert that they threw in afterwards, we retreated to the motor court for a good night's rest. I'm getting to the meaning of my title...hold your horses.
1:38 a.m. and don't think I'm lying because I can still see the little blue clock on the micro-fridge burning my eyes--I am awakened by a muffled scream from next door. I slowly push myself up off the bed and listen a little closer...the type feeling you get when you've been asleep and suddenly there's a loud noise, you're body asks, "Did I really hear that?"...yes, I did. There it is again...this time its moaning.
"Oooooo....ah...ah...ah...ooahhhh."
Then almost as if the perpetrator puts his hand over the female's mouth, I hear another muffled scream. I peer over to see if Heith's awake, he is (of course). He tells me that its been going on for about an hour...I think to myself, what sort of man is this? After about 15 more minutes of enduring the audio of a really smutty porno, I'm relieved. The next morning Heith and I argue over whether it was a Mexican or white girl...a prostitute no less, but still a little challenging by only going on the moans.
I don't know, maybe you get what you pay for. Would this have happened to me if I was at the Embassy Suites downtown? Probably...just the rich white guy with the little pecker and big Mercedes.
come one come all...blame it on Texas, don't blame it on me!