Verdin Pond

I want to shout out the window, "I'm running away with the caretaker man."

A sunny afternoon on a quiet neighborhood street. Parked next to the curb we see a shiny, black camaro. There is a muted sound of heavy metal music coming from inside the car.
The driver's door opens where only a 5 1/2 inch heel is visible from below the door.
With the opening of the door we hear the blasting sound of Motley Crue's "Wild Side" As the door is closed, we see long, slender legs clad in black stockings. Pan up to a shot of a magnificent blonde woman. She wears a tight black dress. She parts her hair to one side and tosses it over her shoulder as she walks away from the car.
AKA Christina Applegate (good example if you're not getting this) WHOA please ignore the fact that I'm talking to you in italic---NOT correct form here.
Okay, anyway, anyway...

Background Music
Fade to Black
HOT DAMN LARS!

This past year I was Aileen Wuornos for Halloween. I had the orange jumpsuit. The orange jumpsuiters from Cross Anchor have a traveling port-a-potty that tags along with them when they have trash duty. On the way to Pauline the other day I blew by them (as I always do) and one of the cherubs stuck his thumb out. I could see amusement on his face as he turned to his "friends/lovers/fellow inmates" and laughed. They don't get out much, literally. (Well, maybe they did to plant those palmetto trees out front?) But at least they don't have to worry about them venturing into the bushes on the side of the road to take a leak...now they have the TRAILER POTTY that follows their van on a small utility trailer.
This is no ordinary port-a-"mate", this is a bonafied state prison work duty restroom. The porta-potty is also orange. Just like Aileen's jumpsuit.

Next please.

Now listen, listen....don't go getting all apey because I was a serial killer for kicks. I just liked the movie, she was an interesting character. We'll pretend I was Charlize acting like she was Aileen.


So about the caretaker man. I'm getting to that.

Ninth grade. I thought it was the most brilliant idea to try and think of new ways to shock my parents--and sometimes my friends. I usually suceeded. Not a good year, but a good slap in the face to the mutherflubbing chippers that I will most certainly NOT ever forget. Lifetime guarantee.
So I fall in love with the hired help...the much older guy that had dark skin and smelled like detergent. He'd been "up the road" to juvenile detention, his dad murdered a cop and his mom was a crack-whore. He didn't have a chance in the world, but all I saw was his dark eyes and tan, muscular arms. I'd ride all day in the septic tank truck just so I could sit next to him. I was only 15, but I knew for sure that it was true love. The summer was a lot more fun because I saw him almost every day. He loved to fish and we had the golfcart...ahem, camoflauge golfcart. Trips to Verdin pond were the most sought after fishing experiences. They were sacred. Grant and his friends would go too, that way it wouldn't look like I wanted to go alone...I mean...alone with him. I had on my newest Jim Morrison shirt. The black one with the pink stripes, some old Airwalk hi-top sneakers, and Mom's cut-off wrangler shorts from 1978. I think I look good, cool..maybe he'll notice. So I tag along, going to just "watch". The boys head off down the dam somewhere leaving us somewhat alone. Marlboro Reds...I thought, okay, now's your chance. Remember, just do it like Bootsy said. So I'm cool and I ask for one, thinking the entire time, "You idiot! Kiss me you fool! Are you crazy?!" Okay, so he was an idiot or either he was just scared to death (of big Daddy Mitch of course). I take my cigarette and lean back in the little lawn chair at the edge of the pond.
Suddenly I feel a warm, tingling feeling climbing up my cheeks--he's getting shorter or I'm dreaming...falling...sinking...and reality rears its ugly head. The chair begins to collapse and I fall butt first into the pond. I think I even let out a little "Eeeeh!" the little girly type scream that says, "Rescue me and throw me to the ground you maniac! Take me now!" He does come to my rescue, I remember his arms...I held on for as long as I could before it started into the awkward, okay what is this, type thing. I was in a daze the rest of the night...the boys laughed so hard that most of them peed all over themselves, but all the while I was smiling...staring...and smelling like rotty pond scum. I never had the chance to get embarrassed, I literally had stars AND hearts in my eyes. He caught me! He caught me! Oh God, let's get married. My own little adolescent Bridges of Laurens County story. Except it was so virgin, making it a good memory for all.
I think I've told that story so many times to Rachel she could most likely recite it for me.

You love him, you want to have like ten thousand of his babies!

Crimson in clover
over and over
(repeat and rinse)