Godspeed

Dou you believe in what you see?

That twilight zone episode where the three guys are in astronaut suits, big fluffy silver ones with the puffy sleeves, land on earth or some planet where everyone else is "paused" and nobody moves or talks. Its like they're all frozen. It gets really good when they all decide to split up to see if they can find anybody to talk to. They hear this marching band playing, and after further investigation they discover a marching band "frozen" in mid-march...the music stops when they find the band. Weird...like the thing where does a tree really make a noise if nobody is in the woods to hear it? Okay, so they split up and one guy goes and sees this beauty pageant and of course everyone is just standing there with smiles pasted on their faces. He goes right up on stage and gets in their faces. "Someone say something! Talk to me!" He's straining, he's getting pretty furious with the entire situation. Its hilarious. He runs out of the room, screaming, "Someone talk to me! Now!" He's going insane...then camera pans back to pageant and audience. An older man turns around in his chair and smiles. Wooooooo.

This is a favorite because it reminds me so much of life here in the hole. Its uncanny in its resemblance to how people, "outsiders" are treated by the commonfolk, so to speak. For example, today while at my glorious government job, I attended a sales meeting. I was so out of it--like everyone was aliens and I was by myself. I played little songs in my head while all the leader aliens were talking. The jabberwocky followed me and pecked around at my heels because I wore shoes without a back in them. He tried to amuse himself during the three hour droning by playing with my feet. Then I noticed he was gone for a while, I didn't ever look under the table to check on him but I just figured that maybe he fell asleep or found some other shoe to knaw on. The most remarkable event of the entire meeting / day / week was when they hit me in the head with the box. First of all, I already felt as if I wasn't even there. The "heads" from Columbia always seem to pass over me during the round table handshake, so its just a normal thing to feel ignored and excluded from big conferences and meetings with the big brothers from headquarters. But when this happened it was as if I left my body and somebody else came back...an actress, because I pretended I was in a movie and just looked dead at the man standing above me who was speaking...as he was giving a good attempt at a fake apology...I just looked at him and said, "Great. That was great." Jeez...I need to watch myself. I've drifted into "Look at me you fockers, I don't care anymore!"
Hitting her in the head as if she wasn't even in the room in the first place. Classic.

Heith made a brilliant remark the other day regarding ignorance and the way its kind of like an epidemic around these here parts. I was really taken aback and even wrote it on my torn in half envelope that I keep in the little compartment above the ashtray / cig liter so I scribble little thoughts and possible blog topics on as I'm driving. He got on the subject about the pig people, as we like to call them. (Refer to earlier posts for more information about pig people i.e. West Virgenoree) Anyway, he said, "Its like...if ignorance had a smell...what would it smell like?" I jumped right in because my brain immediatley combined the two and came up with a pretty obvious combination. Good observation Red.
Ignorance smells like bacon.

I had a long conversation with Grant after therapy about the inner workings of a possible screenplay due out in 2030. He seemed pretty enthused and is eager to start right away. Of course he won't be doing the typing.

I always had this thing for Winona Ryder. Not an attraction, a fascination. I felt like she was just a famous me, well me and a lot of other people put together. Eighth grade we wrote letters a lot and during class changes we'd always swap out. We renamed ourselves in those letters...I was Winona. Kevin renamed himself Eddie Vedder. The best letter was "A trip inside Winona's Brain"...his reply..."The treasure chest at the bottom of Eddie's ocean." I think I said more to him on the paper than I ever did out loud. Adolescent relationship development. That's probably a class at some college now.
So back to Winona....there's some strange connection to a lot of her films and some weird fantasy of my own. When I was in seventh grade I wanted to be a nun. I stole our Virgin Mary statue from our church nativity scene and put her on my dresser at home. I took her everywhere. I had some kind of white sash I'd wear over my hair and kneel for hours at the alter while all the other kids were downstairs eating their vanilla wafer cookies with little styrofoam cups of Pepsi at Bible School. I had this fantasy not long after entering eighth grade and after the nun infatuation wore off...about meeting a handsome hispanic man who was looking for a young bride. He would find me and he was always wearing a white suit with mocassins. Dark hair and dark eyes...Antonio Saboto Jr. of course, that type. His father was a South American drug lord who owned this huge hacienda in the hill country of Brazil. He had a big white stucco house with a terra-cotta roof. I had my own room with a mosquito net over my bed. White bed with lots of pillows. I had this maid named Esmerelda and she would empty my chamber pot. But we did have a private jet and airstrip. My favorite part was the stable. He had so many horses. Even though I was in eighth grade, I guess I had kind of transformed myself by about ten more years in the fantasy because Chachi and myself had a pretty hot relationship.
So then later on, sometime around junior year I stumble onto House of Spirits...and discover somebody had already made a movie about this. Dammit. But Winona and I also shared one other great passion. Two words-Johnny Depp.
Johnny and turquoise. What a wonderful man, the only man to this day I'd leave my husband for. (He already knows this so we're prepared should this ever happen.)

I pulled up to Rachel's yesterday to feed Bear and instantly my mind changed the scene to some summer afternoon. I saw the trampoline and somebody had left the hosepipe on, it was spraying all over the trampoline. The water made a little shower on top of my car and there were little tiny water beads sparkling all over the windshield. I heard somebody laughing really loud...and really hard outside the car but I couldn't see them. I could imagine nostrils flaring really fast back and forth creating more laughter until it turned into the silent heaving seizure type laugh. A girl's voice shouting, "Watch out for the Kevin pee! Wheee!!" I woke up in the car and saw the treehouse and Bear patiently waiting for me to get out. Whew.

Everyone's saying different things to me...different things to me.