The Heat is On

As we slept peacefully in our beds last night, one of the backcountry's most infamous mobster car lots went up in brilliant flames!
Only hours later did I hear the news and was crushed to find out that the inferno did not reach the entire town...we could only hope. Woodruff Auto Sales burned to the ground last night. This type of event, which Woodruff is almost famous for (burning buildings such as Abney Mill, Woodruff High School, etc.) brings out the best in the backcountry. The best references, I mean--the clerk at the local convenience store says, "I saw it all. I saw them windows blowing out and I said, woo I better turn them gas pumps off because the heat was a'coming this away." Brilliant.
Another onlooker comments, "It was like a tornado coming up like this--the smoke was going every which away, and it was like a tornado." Must we always refer to the tornado? At least there were no mobile homes involved.
Let me give a little background information on our friends at Woodruff Auto Sales.
I'm sure that most of you are familiar with the hit show The Sopranos, if not then just picture big, burly guys wearing leather coats with greasy hair named "Tony" and "Big Al". These guys are mobsters and they are all out for money and drugs. They've recently took over this auto dealership and the owner decided to give the place a "face lift"---he mirror tinted the front windows and only offered the finest in used luxury imports on the lot. Rumors spread (like wildfire in this case) of drug transportation in the cars (which isn't unheard of) and of illegal activity inside the building. In this case, stripper lounges instead of offices. A whole new meaning to the title "Dealer."
The owner also tried endlessly to open the local Holy Covenant Church. This would be located on Main Street such as its sister operation "The Bunny Ranch" in another part of the Upstate. Holy Covenant Church would offer twenty-four hours of escort services under this very clever assumed name. Unfortunately he did not succeed in this operation due to the Black Hole's resistance to such BLASPHEMY! The city council would not hear of such nonsense and filth!
Poor Tony must have assumed that something was in the cards for him as three weeks ago he removed all inventory from his car dealership. He posted a sign on the large store front windows that read, "We've moved! Come check out our new location and inventory!" That's all. No forwarding address, just something to throw the talented Black Hole sheriff's department for a loop--to keep them driving around the Black Hole searching for his "new location". Which, they probably still do.
Last night the deed was done. The arsonist was highly skilled and left no trace of his presence. The place burned to a crisp. There is a line of Ford Crown Victorias spread across the blackened parking lot and a squadron of khaki pant and polo shirted men stand with arms crossed in front of the debris, congratulating each other on detecting such a large electrical fire. Meanwhile SLED rolls their eyes and kindly asks the local coppers to please leave the detective work to the professionals.
During the blaze last night, three other homes mysteriously burned to the ground all at the same time. The three homes belonged to employees of Big Tony at Woodruff Auto Sales.
Coincidence? Yes, according to the local Black Hole Police Department.
Them there old houses are more prone to fires, it sure was a big loss for our purty little town.

God Bless the USA. We were THIS close to burning the Black Hole to extinction! (Save the EL AGAVE)