Last of the Shut-Ins

It begins with the blood-curdling squeal. I usually run as fast as I can with my head down (I have no idea why) as I shake my hair violently, stamping my feet and flailing my arms. Once I'm in a "safe zone" I can stop and begin my frenzied inspection of my clothes, my back, my arms, my hair, and my legs. When I realize that there's nothing on me, I run the entire scene through my mind. The first encounter with the arachnid...the first moment I realize that I almost touched it. Although it was dead, it was colossal. I picture the beast over and over in my mind, the brown and yellow hairy legs and the massive thorax. I begin to cringe all over again, and I brush myself off once more. My heart hammers inside my chest and the panic starts to rise in my throat. I go through a round of heavy breathing and moaning. The entire time I practice this phobic seizure, I attract the attention of most of my campground neighbors. I'm sure most people can imagine how insane this probably looks, but to me it's all normal. My complete normal reaction to what most of the world considers a "spider".

I guess somebody is wondering where I saw this predatory monstrosity...in the underbelly of my camper. I also understand that when I saw it, it was dead. Dead, alive, squashed, smashed, crawling, or flattened...they're all the same.
So, I was out of service the rest of the afternoon, and as soon as I mentioned the fact that I'd rather meet up with a snake. Well, let's just say that the snakes heard me and decided they'd show up too.
As the old man greased up the fittings, he encountered a small Copperhead hiding beneath the tires. The blood is still fresh outside where he did most of the chopping. Without getting bit, we beheaded the snake and threw his remains on the patio of the next campsite over. More on those precious campers later.

I've learned a valuable lesson, never EVER set up camp for longer than one week unless you're prepared to deal with a large, crawling infestation of bugs. BIG bugs. But everything is bigger at the beach-- roaches, snakes, mosquitoes, flies, gnats, ants, and...dare I say it, spiders.